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When You’re Asked If You’ve Ever Seriously Considered Suicide

The other day, while speaking with a healthcare nurse for my new insurance, I was asked a question that totally floored me.

“Have I ever seriously considered suicide?”

Before I get into the politically correct answer I should have stated, let me share a few of the actual answers I gave.

1. What do you mean by serious?

2. Well, I can tell you I wasn’t laughing.

3. Do you think Robin Williams (sorry Robin) thought seriously about his suicide or laughed all the way?

4. How about others who have committed suicide – were they serious?

My final answer that was correct was, “Is there any other way to consider suicide?”

I don’t see suicide as a laughing matter and wouldn’t take to laughing about thinking, acting or attempting to commit suicide.

Sometimes I wonder where these health workers get their training. I mean, who gave them these questions to ask in the way they ask?

I have heard other health care workers ask the same question about other illnesses also.

I had one ask me how I contracted polio. I looked at her and said, “Shit, it was a gift from God!”

My mother just about choked on that one, especially coming from a 12 year old.

No Fun in Death

Going back to suicide, I want to explain why this question bothers me.

I’ve been there. I’ve been to the edge and it isn’t funny. It is as serious as serious gets.

There isn’t one moment when you are thinking of jumping, or placing a rope around your neck or a gun barrel in your mouth, that you aren’t serious – or thinking seriously – about what is going to happen.

The lights go out and all you see is a light that you want to get to.

A light in the distance that you can reach with just the pull of a trigger or the quick jolt of a rope or belt. Instant relief or so it seems.

Now that’s a serious thought.

Don’t let anyone ever tell you it’s a joke or they were only joking. If they are attempting suicide, it’s serious and they need understanding.

A More Peaceful Side

They need help with someone listening, not talking. They don’t need a lecture. They need someone to listen and understand.

That short ride to freedom from a wicked life is sometimes easier than you think for some. It isn’t that hard to see more color and peace on the other side, or at least imagine it.

It isn’t that hard to visualize a better and more peaceful existence on the other side.

There is no guilt or shame in what you are about to do. You don’t think of the others in your life or the hurt you will be causing.

You don’t have time.

You don’t want to think of that because all of that brought you to this point. It brought you to the edge and may not bring you back.

It will bring you to what you think is peace.

The thing is suicide isn’t peace. It isn’t what you think. It isn’t a bed of roses – or at least I don’t think so, and I have come close.

In the final minutes of making a decision whether to go or stay I thought of others.

I thought of what I want to do to live and wonder can I do it? I wonder is it possible to make changes that will stop me from this action.

It’s talking with loved ones that understand and listen that has stopped me. Even when I felt no desire to go on in a worthless existence, a loved one has listened and then I stopped.

I took what I was doing extremely serious and thought. Thought about me. Thought about family. Thought about good times and people.

Then stopped.

It was the listening to me that made that happen. Not the talking to me or at me. It was the listening and I will be forever grateful for that chance to talk and be heard.

Suicide is the most serious action you can ever do or think about.

Don’t let anyone ever ask you, “Have you seriously considered committing suicide?” without lashing back at them.

Don’t let them get away with a stupid comment like that.

Your life is worth more.